SATIRE

How James Patterson Could Solve America’s Debt Crisis

Whenever the government faces a shutdown, the novelist could pull out his checkbook

U.S. Capitol / Kaz Vorpal, The Graphic Details, on Flickr via Wikimedia Commons CC

Nobody has asked for my opinion of how to solve America’s federal debt crisis, but I have one. The U.S. Treasury should borrow money from James Patterson.

Think about how easy this would make the nation’s political life.

Whenever the government faces a potential shutdown, it wouldn’t have to ask members of Congress to act like reasonable adults and work out a compromise spending bill that would keep the country running. It could just ask the novelist to pull out his checkbook.

This idea is not as far-fetched as it sounds. Patterson reportedly makes about $100 million a year from his more than 200 books, and he lives in Florida, which has no state income tax. He probably saves a fortune each year just by not having to fork over part of it over to Gov. Ron De Santis so he can use it to fund more “Don’t Say Gay” laws.

And Patterson writes at least a book a year, so his computer is a cash cow that keeps on giving. Or, as he told USA Today, “I don’t have writer’s block. I have writer’s diarrhea.”